FOCUS is my word for 2021. But first let’s back up to last season, 2020 and the three-word summation, blessed, trust and loss. Let’s start by talking of how 2020 blessed me.
I was and am able to continue working through this pandemic, God adopted me into the CCC family, God presented me with a complete stranger who was faithful in sharing a message to me that Jesus was holding my face tenderly and saying “LOOK at ME!” This happened in September 2020. From that day forward I began looking into God’s eyes once again. God has restored to me, dreams that were given to me over the years, desires I never thought would come to fruition. Birthdays have never been pleasant for me in that, it is one week before Christmas, my ex’s father committed suicide on that day, so this year I was specially blessed through someone in our church, my work and many friends, God knew I needed a boost at that moment. Another blessing has been being accepted onto the Children’s Ministry team, a position I now need to focus on.
I will interject here that growing up in a two-parent home, I was resented because I was an unwanted pregnancy and was told I was not smart enough to reach out and attempt things in life. I realize now, these views come from my mother’s giving up her freedom to marry my dad and have me. I am the oldest of four children.
Trust has come through needing to hold God’s righteous right hand through Covid. I had moments of fear, then realizing I needed to trust only God, who had given me the job I have, when I first listened to Him back in 2014 and went to UFV to attain the Social Services Diploma at age 55. Never let anyone tell you are too old for something! I trusted Him back then, I knew I needed to increase that trust as we walked through 2020. I did learn that I need to prepare for death, and enjoy each day to the fullest, as it may be our last. I am no longer afraid to die, God is in control and I only wish to follow Him, more about this in loss. I have to trust God with my children, all three have accepted Christ and have been baptized. The oldest and youngest have walked away due to abuses brought upon them by their dad, and anger with me for not protecting them. My middle child encouraged me to give my life back to Christ when I was at an extremely low point in my life. She has now walked away due to anger with God over her health issues. I can only stand to the side and pray.
I did give my life to Jesus when I was 9 years old, at Pioneer Girls with my leader, Lark, a beautiful older lady who loved the Lord with her whole heart.
Loss has taken over the last quarter of 2020. I lost 4 people in my life from October 10th to November 21st. Two were the incredible young ladies who were turning their lives around from Cyrus Centre. This was a huge blow to me, I then lost a dear friend of 13 years, cancer and addiction took Greg at age 61. Then my dear friend Rhoda lost her daughter to suicide, 49 years old. I have been the unofficial executor for this estate. This has consumed me so that I have not properly grieved for everyone. I have had to be the strong one for Rhoda and make all arrangements. Then the day before my birthday my cousin called to ask if I did not know my great aunt had passed a year ago (I’d sent my aunt a Christmas card this year), my mom hadn’t shared this with me which opened some wounds from my past.
Through all this past and present season, I am letting Jesus hold my face gently and saying “LOOK at ME!” As I do this, I focus on my Saviour, Father, Best Friend, and the Spirit within me to guide me through each moment. I am reminded of the book of Joshua, “Be strong and courageous”, Timothy was reminding us, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind (self-discipline).” As I continue to focus on God and His will for my life, God is changing my heart and mind into that of His own and my dreams that I put on lay-away are now being brought to the forefront. Moving forward, more obstacles are being removed, such as laziness which I have discovered is actually fear. Fear of succeeding, God wants me to succeed, where I was brought up to believe I was a failure. We all need someone who believes in us, I am seeing people come alongside me in these times of uncertainty and restoring my worthiness, this is something I do for the youth at Cyrus.
Tell someone today that you believe in them and walk beside them in that belief, and “Seek ye first the kingdom of God…”
What a blessing to hear your story, Debbie! I love to see how God has been keeping your focus and helping you eliminate the fears in your life. You have had a crazy year, but it seems that God has very clearly been walking beside you in this, leading you to His truth and kingdom plans for your life!
Thank you for your beautiful and courageous story Debbie. There is so much freedom, peace and joy when we keep our focus on Him. I am so happy to hear you are discovering this for yourself. I am sorry to hear about the many losses you’ve experienced recently; I will keep you in my prayers. I know God is and will continue to use you to further His Kingdom because of these experiences.